Friday, April 26, 2013

"Whoops Wrong Bathroom"

Okay so I know what you're thinking, what on earth is up with the bathroom sign? I am getting to that.
Remember I said this blog is about finding humor in the ordinary while laughing at the obvious?
   Well, here's my story for the day!  Before I begin let me give you an overview of my condition:
I am sick, I have a serious cold, and I don't feel well at all. My head feels like it belongs in a freak show & my body feels like a pink elephant on parade (for those who remember Dumbo) 
   But hey, I needed to go shopping so off I went with my husband reluctantly in tow. 
I am at the big box store trying to get the short list (yea right) of items I needed for the house & I needed to use the restroom.
I should have gone back at the restaurant but they brought our food just as I was getting out of my seat. Not wanting my food to get cold (I hate cold food) and knowing my husband would not eat until I came back, I sat down and ate, forgetting, for the moment I need to use the restroom! I know how could you forget that?  
At the unnamable box store I remembered "Hey I need to go to the restroom" but like any good shopper will do, I just kept shopping.
   I kept finding items I couldn't live without you know? Isn't that why you shop at these stores? I kept walking down the aisles seeing something I just couldn't wait to look at. You know how it is, you stop and you ooh & aah debating whether or not you actually need it or want it, while your husband is in the background reminding you that you need to go to the restroom. "Honey didn't you say you had to go to the restroom?" Now I am not so goofy that I can't tell my that my husband is trying to steer me away from whatever item I am looking at hoping that I will forget all about it while I'm using the restroom.
   How many times have I said, "I will come back at look at that" only to get out of the restroom and totally forget about it! My husband knows this about me so he is skillfully trying to maneuver me away from my new found bauble that I've decided I cannot live without! All the while I am grumbling about my queasy head and the pink parade I'm on and the fact I really do need to go to the restroom.
 My husband being no dummy understands clearly that chances are I really can live without it and he knows it or at least he is hoping he knows it. He has no problem with me buying anything I want or need. He just knows me so well that he knows some things that are shiny and alluring too me at the moment end up as trash in the can later on at home. 

After inching toward the restroom I finally get there.
   Please remember my head and body are going two entirely different directions and I feel as if the contents of supper are having a party with each other in my belly. Keeping this in mind have mercy on me as I finish my story. 
   Standing in the aisle making plans where to meet my husband after I finish my business at hand. I stumble toward the restroom. Normally and I say normally, because it is true, the bathrooms are split with ladies on the right, men on the left in all of these "un-nameable" big box stores. So following instinct, not reading the signs as I should have done, I go to the restroom.
So thankful to be able to walk straight, not squeezing my legs together to keep from having a spill on the floor. Now, that would be embarrassing "Clean up on isle 13, ditsy blond just wet on the floor" The stuff that nightmares are made of.
   Finishing my business, I go to wash my hands and can't find the soap dispenser. Mumbling to myself about the placement of said dispenser (Way up high on the wall) I notice a couple of dividers protruding from the wall next to the sink. After completing my hand washing task and tearing a towel from a roll not in the dispenser I look back to check out the unusual wall.
   Much to my surprise then dismay it is a urinal? A urinal??? In the women's restroom?
In my fogged up queasy brain it still did not register with me which bathroom I was actually in. I thought to myself ("why on earth is there a urinal in the restroom?) Puzzling over this and rehearsing the conversation I would have with my husband over it, I stumble out of the bathroom, out of habit looking to my right to see if anyone was coming out of the other bathroom, I notice **ding, ding, ding** this on the door of the restroom I was NOT coming out of?

   In a split second like lightning on a hot tin roof, I realized that I had been in the men's bathroom the entire time.
   My mind racing like a herd of cattle ticks off every single second in there. Like a checklist I go through each second trying to remember, was anyone in there? Did anyone come in there? What if someone had come in there! Round and round like ants at a picnic my thoughts raced.
I'm hearing the voice of Bill Engvall in my head going
  
Naturally all thought and argument about urinals in the women's restroom went up in smoke.
Fashizzle as my husband says...
Red face and feeling foolish along with my queasy stomach & spinning head I walk back to where my husband is waiting. I am debating should I tell him or should I just walk away without telling anyone because much to my extreme relief no-one came in or out of the restroom while I was in there. Thank you Father for that one. Being that my husband & I don't keep secrets from each other I decided I was going to put on my big girl boots and fess up.
Somewhat reluctantly I whisper my story in my husband’s ear and to give him credit he didn't explode with laughter like I know he wanted to. I'm sure he was recalling a few stories of his own and deciding it wasn't worth the risk... 

   I could see the thoughts ticking through his brain like water running through a sieve. He was counting and recounting all the possible scenarios of his wife being in the men's restroom.
Like a checker scanning items in the cart he checked them off one by one finally ending up in relief that no one had seen me in there. Oh the possible excuses we would have to conjure up to cover my blunder.  

   Oh the many Kodak moments of happiness that gets splatter painted throughout our lives. Like a palette of colors those moments like this one add depth and character to a masterpiece the brilliant Creator is painting in us. You have to laugh because you know that you have been caught on the proverbial camera of life in a very vulnerable moment. It was a moment of time that could have ended so many different ways.


 At the end of the day you laugh, as we did until you have to go to the bathroom again because you're laughing so hard. This time though I carefully examine the door and come back out and re-examine the door to make sure I am in the right one!
The moral of tale if there is one is to always and I do mean always look at the bathroom door signs carefully. I was fortunate this time, thanks to my Heavenly Fathers care over me that I didn't run into any trouble on my little off the road excursion. God bless your day with much joy and hey laugh at obvious things. It's okay to find humor in the ordinary circumstances of life.

Laugh hard, sing often and dance on the devils head every chance you get! God is painting a beautiful masterpiece with your life and HE has orchestrated every brilliant stroke of color uniquely for you! From my heart because of HIS heart in me! Have a very Joyfully Blessed Day!

                                                                                                                 Shawn